The problem comes when a bunch of things begin to get a person down. This is where I'm at. I have been trying very hard to stay positive, but it seems that I'm in a rough patch now. It all started last May when I found a lump.
Yeah. That kind of lump. My mother had breast cancer twice, so I was on that like white on rice. It turned out to be nothing serious, but since last May, it's been bad and more bad.
I woke up this morning pretty much at the lowest level I've ever been at. I had to take my car to the body shop because someone wrecked it. I'm friends with this someone, so I'm trying not to be as angry as my soul wants to be. I didn't need this $500 bill for the deductible (thank God I have insurance since the total repair bill is going to be nearly $5000!) on top of everything else, and my friend can't afford to give me the money for the repairs so I have to pay.
So this morning I was down. REALLY down. I'm not where I want to be at my day job, and as much as I've been working to promote my books, I'm not where I want to be there either. I just can't seem to catch a break anywhere.
In the past month or so, I've wanted to say, "Fuck it! I'm done," so many times. I've wanted to say this to friends, family, my work, my writing...not in the checking out of life kind of done but just in the "I give up. I'm going back to bed" kind of done. (I'm not the suicidal type. No need to worry about that.)
But instead I've kept chugging along, and today I'm typing this because I want to remind myself to keep on the bright side. I've been extraordinarily fortunate in my life, so I have to believe this bad period that's been going on for almost a year isn't something permanent. I'm feeling better about my back problems, even if I do have to get surgery soon; I'm almost done with the day job work for a few months; and I'm very proud of the book I'm about to put out in Blood Prophecy on May 14.
Sometimes it's just so hard to remember the good things, but at least for today, I'm trying.